Wednesday, August 17, 2016


Never have I ever.  And there aren't a lot of firsts around here. We've seen and been through a ton of stuff. Much I'd like to forget, some, like today, I, unfortunately, never will.
Let me back up.
So, I am totally pumped about the first day of school. What mom isn't? (Well, maybe teachers, but we've already established they are a special breed, of which I cannot even begin to understand) Johnny and Elizabeth are pumped too, of course, they are as tired of me as I am of them. So we are up early, getting everyone ready and Elizabeth is in her usual sweet good mood (at least first thing).  But as we are headed down the stairs, she makes an awful gesture and her arm violently starts shaking, she crumbles to the ground, and the look on her face-I cannot tell you. It was the look of horror. It actually looked like her brain was under attack (which I know is exactly what was happening) and her face wore the image of what that must have felt like. Sheer terror. She has seizures almost everyday, but this has been a really good summer and we have seen very few and they are small and pass quickly, they are not minutes of shaking violently on her part and absolute panic on ours. Yes, they are still incredibly upsetting, but nothing, I mean nothing like what we witnessed this morning. I am truly baffled and so sad. Adam was heart sick and very close to being stomach sick as well, if you know what I mean. (barf city) But, after a few minutes when she came out of it, she was a little shaky (pardon the pun-oh, stop, I am allowed a little humor!), But miraculously, after about 1/2 hour of laying limp on me; she popped right up and was her old bossy self. She wanted to eat and sing and play. She smiled and got her color back. It was surreal. I wondered: does she have a headache, is she super tired, does she understand or even remember what happened, did she lose any learned behaviors, is she in pain, how in the world did she just manage to come out of that?  I don't think I will ever get the image of her face out of my head.
But, I will tell you this-I have never witnessed such resiliency.  What a lesson. I have been boo hooing about how "hard" summer is for me because, well, because of her :/.  (and her darling brothers, of course)  But, what she has in her small ten year-old frame is still what I am seeking in my own self.  The ability to keep fighting, never give up, don't let yourself get defeated. Or even if you are, and I was, exhausted, out numbered, a mess-don't let it get to you. I, once again, felt too beaten down and I lost my sense of humor, my patience and it felt like my mind. I know better than to start down this path. I have a lot of people coming in and out, I have a ton of help but I cannot seem to stay on top of the emotional roller coaster and flat out resentment right before school starts. Towards whom?  Anyone who comes into my vengeful path, unfortunately.  But mostly Adam, let's be honest!
Thankfully I have a new day ahead so I'll start fresh and be grateful,  put on my best face and undoubtedly pray for a safe and happy school year for my dear girl- hugging her tight enough so some of her bravery will inevitably rub off onto me.
A few days ago with big brother Jake (she loves her brothers)

Monday, August 1, 2016

Sorry, it is.

Sorry, it is about politics, but maybe not how you might think-so please, read on.

I have to ask: when was the last time you read a political post and thought something awful about the person that said/shared it if it was a differing opinion than your own?  I know, like 10 seconds ago. Me too, and I tired of it. These ridiculous negative thoughts that are barraging my brain when I read these posts are about and from real people, my supposed "friends" on Facebook.  Of course, I could block or unfriend, but who wants a feed that is all the same views and opinions as your own?  Admit it or not, we all like to peek at what the "other side" is talking about.  And that is perfectly normal. What has gotten out of hand is the name calling,and hateful spewing of awfulness. I know-newsflash. But we are still engaging. And, unfortunately, I am not talking about the candidates.  We need to realize we WILL NOT change someone's opinion or mind on FB about Hillary or Donald.  That ship has sailed. And seriously do we really think that those that may be undecided are going to be swayed by the lunatic (there I go) who spews rage and hatred and calls those that don't agree with them uninformed, stupid, or moronic? And that is the nice name calling. Again, I am not talking about the candidates here and it happening on both sides. We are acting like toddlers that say, "mom, mom, mom, mom and when she won't respond, because she might be going to the bathroom (the nerve), talking on the phone (the audacity), working (NO!) so the little angels leave a gallon of ice cream under the bed, an open liter of Coke sideways on the steps, a full box of cereal strewn about the living room (Just my house? Oh well, you get the point.)

And to what end? How can we expect more from our candidates and in turn ourselves when we are just as guilty of acting like spoiled children?  The only obvious difference-the people in my above example ARE spoiled children. My own.......


Can we not take a moment and step back and think about from where people's posts and points of view are coming?

Their perspective.

Just as I cannot form an opinion from the perspective of any American mother whose lost a child in senseless gunfire, a parent grieving a mentally ill child who took others' lives, a single mom working so hard for her children and never getting ahead, an immigrant with a family trying build a life in America, any parent who has lost a child to war, a business owner struggling to keep their head above water, those with children that are suffering from devastating illnesses, a military veteran struggling with PTSD-I cannot relate and form a political view from their perspective just as they cannot form one from a mother of two special needs kids (unless of course, they have two special needs kids, but you get my point). What I can do is try and understand and empathize why they may have to come support the candidate they have instead of figuring they are just an idiot who needs to be "informed".

I understand we are passionate about our wonderful country and her future. We all want a safe America where our kids can get the best possible education. We all want our police officers to be protected and feel safe and not questioned when protecting us.  We all want our military to feel appreciated and honored and have all the support and opportunities available after they have served. We all want color, religion and gender to go unseen and opportunities to be for all. We all feel that opiate and heroin addiction are stealing lives at an alarming rate and more must be done. We all want healthcare for the poor and sick. We ALL want radical terrorists from home and abroad destroyed.
And we should never give up on these dreams and goals, no matter what.
Yes, we have different ways of getting there, but how does name calling and hate help the cause that we all want?  How can we expect something from our candidates (and our children for that matter) that we are unwilling to display ourselves?  Clearly, we need to step up and be the example.

Next time I read a post that is so sick it makes me sick, I am going to take a huge breath and think thoughts of gratitude and love. I am going to put goodness into the FB universe instead of rage.  I won't respond because no attention should be called to it. (ignore it, see toddler example).  I will think respectfully of their opinion even if I respectfully disagree.  I will not engage in hateful banter and I will mind my mind. I will choose to rise above it because that is who I am or at the very least who I am striving to be. I am going to gain some perspective.
It's not a definitive solution, but it's a start.

Just think, I was going to name this blog, "don't be a dick." Oh, the irony.