Thursday, October 31, 2013

Happy Halloween!

Oh my gosh! Elizabeth and Johnny's teacher sent me a picture of them on Halloween at school. They are in the SAME picture. Over the past few years, this has become virtually impossible, unless there is an adult using force. Seriously. So, needless to say I was so excited when I got this picture. Below is what I believe they are thinking when this pic was taken.

Johnny's thoughts:
Seriously dude, get her away from me.
Is someone calling me from over there?
Have I not expressed my dislike for her enough? Now a picture with her-unbelievable.
I will never hold her hand, not under any circumstances.
Hmmmmmmmmm (or whatever a humming sound is)
Are we good here?  I am so over this costume.
                                       This is so not fun!

Elizabeth's thoughts:


I love dressing up and I love my brother!

Come on Johnny, let's hold hands.
Could I be any cuter?
This is so fun!

Wednesday, October 30, 2013


That awkward moment when you realize that your life is absolutely positively nothing like the people with whom you associate. It happens often to me, because our life is so very different than anyone with "typical" kids. This first realization, though, really sticks out. For me, it was when I was hanging out with a group of friends, which I love to do so very much, and the kids were little and my friends were chatting out what they were worried about at the time. Granted, these were and are important and significant things, things I worried about with my "typical" child, but it was still so striking to me. I was and continue thinking if I ever will hear the words "I love you", will my child ever be invited to a friend's to play or worse will he know/care he was never invited, will he ever go to the bathroom on his own, will he ever sleep in his own bed or through the night, will he ever be able to play/work/live somewhat independently? These are my everyday worries, every hour, every minute questions. It is that until you have that first time, where it is so apparent that your life, and more importantly, your children's lives, are going to be so very different than most of the people that you are surrounded by everyday. Sometimes that is a very lonely feeling, even if you have the very best of friends.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Back to work?

That awkward moment when your 86 year-old grandmother wonders "what you have been up to", meaning "when are you going back to work?" I have been getting it a lot lately, my mom, "what did you do today?" My husband, "we could use some extra cash." (wow, is that the understatement of the year) On October 12, it will be 2 years since I left work. Outside of the births of my three children, leaving work was the single greatest day of my life. I could focus on my family full time now. And I have done that, but more than that I have loved not having the Sunday blues, constant evening anxiety, the juggling act. It's the damn paycheck that I miss. Until recently, though, people have not mentioned anything about it. I guess they figured I needed this "break", and I guess now they figure "break time" is over.

Friday, October 18, 2013


Bossypants is a spectacularly funny read. Some of my favorite quotes from the book:

“My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”

“Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole.”

“You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.”

“There is no one of-woman-born who does not like Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar and a Socialist.”

“...I can't possibly take time off for a second baby, unless I do, in which case that is nobody's business and I'll never regret it for a moment unless it ruins my life.”

"We should leave people alone about their weight. Being chubby for a while (provided you don’t give yourself diabetes) is a natural phase of life and nothing to be ashamed of. Like puberty or slowly turning into a Republican.”

"Sometimes you want to have a very productive Saturday to feel that you are in control of your life, which of course you are not.”

Tina Fey

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Great Quotes!

"Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever.... "

-Isak Dinesen

"Regardless of how you feel inside, always try and look like a winner. Even if you are behind, a sustained look of control and confidence can give you a mental edge that results in victory. "

-Arthur Ashe

"Never, never, never give up."

-Winston Churchill

"Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it's something you design for the present."

-Jim Rohn

"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."

-Joseph Campbell

-Albert Einstein

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart."

-Hellen Keller

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Too Perfect?

That awkward moment when your husband gets his physical back and it's damn near perfect, and he tells you maybe we should eat more fruit and salad over your nightly bowl of Doritos and wine. The man needs a vice. He needs to be addicted to gambling, porn, cigarettes-for the love of God-something! He did have one moment of weakness over the weekend where he lost his mind on Sat. night. Life was just too much with the kids and he desperately needed everyone to go to bed. They had beaten him down, they had won. Now this happens to me 25 times a day, kids-25, me-0. But Adam, it takes a lot to make him break and with no vice? I just don't get it. Oh sorry, I forgot, he does have one vice, he has excercise-that appears to be it. Borderline offensive if you ask me.

Oh, and we have plenty of fruit by the way.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

What must it feel like?

Today I have been wondering what it must feel like for Jacob having his "special" brother and sister. Does he sometimes feel lucky because he is the different one and things come easy for him? Or does he feel burdened by their constant need for attention? Of course, I have asked him this question, but an 11 year-old boy is not always great at sharing his feelings and, I speak for only my own child here, he is sometimes only articulate in sports and bodily functions. What does he feel like when we are at the park, at his games, around his friends. Does he ever get embarrassed? Does he or will he resent them? Us?

Yesterday, Adam and I were particularly hard on Jacob because he hadn't gotten his homework done before he played with his friends and then right before bed announced he needed to go to the library for a new book-the way I reacted he might as well have told me he took a weapon to school. I overreacted, I was tired and "done" . Full disclosure, I think I was not only feeling overwhelmed, but resentful that he got to go play all afternoon with his million friends without a care in the world and his brother and sister will never get to do that. Is that his fault? Of course not, and I shouldn't have been so short and acted so frustrated with him. He is a good boy and a good brother and he deserves a normal 11 year-old boy life. (although with his bat crazy mother this may prove more difficult than having two disabled siblings!). Bottom line, I need someone to invent a patience/perspective pill and put me on it either via IV or 3x a day minimum. Wait, I think they have those already, may be time to make an appointment!

Wednesday, October 9, 2013


No light
Can’t wake
In your heart the constant ache
Is it real?
The sleep eludes
Not time to wake so very soon
Eyes are swollen
Were there dreams?
The need for rest becomes extreme.
Starting over the day anew
The minutes alone are too few.
They can’t know the wear and tear
Smile and face what you cannot bear.

Mary Claire Brass

Tuesday, October 1, 2013


Reaching up.
Pushed lower.
Head Lifted.
Smacked down.
Catching a breath.
Counting to ten.
Wind knocked away.
Sun Shining.
Brisk Walks.
Falling flat.
Good news.
A breakthrough.
No response.
Holding the stare.
Get up again, again, and again.....
Always hope. 

Mary Claire Brass


“You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won't mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever.... connections are made with the heart, not the tongue.”

C. Joybell C.