Lens

 It’s weird when the eyesight starts to go. You have to wait and look at the menu, your eyes look all crazy when you put on the readers. But your friends are doing it and you joke and you laugh about it, and it’s all good. What do you expect, you’re 49. 

And it’s also weird when your sister, much younger and many times mistaken as your daughter, tells you that 49 seems old. Maybe it is. I’m  warming up to it, as it’s better than the alternative. 

And today I ate cottage cheese with salt and vinegar potato chips on top and couldn’t wait to tell someone. It was magic and maybe sad, but I’m 49, I don’t care. 

It’s true what they say about not giving F’s as you age, if only we could gift it to our kids a tad younger and spare them some heartache. Although, the heartache builds the character, so maybe they shouldn’t be spared? Whatever, I don’t know. 

And as the wine sets in, I cannot believe I was born here, raised here, loved here and I can pass that onto my kids by the grace of community friends and family. What is happening to families in this world is unfathomable, and it’s weird that I just get to go to dinner on a Monday and Target on Tuesday and a football game on Saturday.  Why do I get to do those things while so many suffer? 

I've found myself asking the “why’s” a lot more and the “wtaf”s a whole lot more. And although I don’t have answers to things I pray for, or solutions to things I beg for; I have more love than I dreamed of being possible. If you are reading this, you have given me and my family that love, and I will pass it on this 49th year and all that may come.  ❤️

                                                        Yes, it's a problem, mind your business

I imagine

I imagine you as a girl. A devoted daughter, a peace keeper, a rule follower with a bit of a wild streak. A young lady who loved to play with friends and probably a little boy crazy too. Singing silly cheers (the forest city colts are going mighty far!), but loyal to the cause, always supporting the team. As a young woman, I imagine a bright, confident person-but not too, of course. I imagine you were someone who was willing to take the risk and go out on her own to college-falling in love and then ultimately, doing what was expected, and going back home-but still pushing the envelope by staying away in KY just a tad longer. I imagine you quickly meeting friends that would last a lifetime. There were good times and good friends that will always be there. Those years probably passed quickly and marriage came shortly after college as it did for so many. At the time it was just considered normal to follow your husband's job and make a life where the work was. So I imagine you bravely moving far away to start a new life with new people and fitting right in with volunteer work, bridge, and fun times in a new city. And, of course, beginning a family and making a home. I imagine it was difficult after working to build a life to make another move and then a transition came that would bring you back to the old Fort. I imagine that that was handled with patience and fortitude to make a foundation for your family and the poise needed to move to a new city where "everyone knows everyone". I'd imagine there wasn't wasting any time in getting acclimated to the social scene and involvement in church.  No one would guess you weren't from here, you know everyone's maiden name!
Life probably, I'd imagine, threw you some twist and turns that you couldn't have expected even with two sisters. Having three girls would be hard enough-but us.... one more stubborn than the previous, all knowing exactly their place and their worth in the world. I remember the message, "you can be whatever you want to be." I imagine you shake your head because sometimes our viewpoints appear to be so different from your own. But remember even if our perspective is different, you should feel proud that we think independently, thoughtfully and from experience.
Know that you were present, you were stable, you were hope, and above all else, you were love.  And those things still hold true today.
When we were a little bit older it may have been time to take a breath, but you went back to school and started a new chapter with a new degree and a new career path- wading your way through a different world than when you left it, but navigating it brilliantly and effortlessly. I imagine it probably wasn't that way, but you made it look like it was.  There was always dinner at 6:30 (how did you do that?), a ride to wherever, and stuff just got done. I imagine a woman who valiantly fought for her family and made the decision that she would chart the course of her own destiny.
I imagine you probably didn't think of it this way, but you weren't going to be defined by your past or your children or a job title. You became a pillar of strength. I can't imagine losing a mother, a sister and a best friend.  These tragedies could be life defining, curl up, put the curtains over the windows, give in to grief moments-but they never broke you. Your resiliency-astonishing, your strength-admirable. I imagine it made your resolve stronger in building bonds with other women in church and reconnecting with old friends.
I imagine this decade will bring, as life does, other things that can't be predicted or planned but it won't keep you from being your authentic self. A woman to be revered and respected. A mother, a grandmother, a wife, a mentor, a friend.
I imagine it would have appeared that we may not have been paying attention to your wants and needs, so focused on ourselves and what we wanted from life.  But we were paying attention to your strength, grace, your kindness and compassion, your willingness to help others, and always, your politeness and generosity to all. Because frankly you are "it" for us. Our everything, Our Mother.

Happy Birthday!!🎉

#40

IIt's like a really great wave of relief when 40 finally comes. If you worried, dreaded, or embraced it, it really doesn't matter, it comes regardless. Then comes the deep breath- and for me, it came with excitement for a new chapter.  This is the second half of my life that I am embarking upon (I hope I have at least 40 more good years left :)), and I have to come a few realizations (or really random thoughts).  I hope you don't mind me sharing. They are not original comments by any stretch, but they are from the heart!

Spend time with people who lift you up and support you. Let go of everything else!

It's OK to dream like a little girl. Even as adults, we should never lose that!

Sing Carrie Underwood's "Somethin' in the water", like you used to belt out Bon Jovi's "I'll be there for you." It feels great! 

Hope for the best for other people.

Celebrate life!

 

Be a good friend.

Remember and honor those that built you! 

Allow your children to see your flaws and and help them understand that you are a real person with thoughts, dreams and feelings. 

Empathetic and compassionate are words that I hope people use to describe me. 

(Rather than binge drinker and constant lip stick applier/wearer) 

Although, truth be told, they are probably all true

I've said it once, I'll say it again-a fake Christmas tree can save a marriage.

It is scary I am old enough that I could have given birth to any of the KY Wildcat basketball players. #BBN

Laugh. Every.Single. Day.

Dance

Appreciate family

I may not send Christmas cards ever again-that is not something to have anxiety about in the middle of the night

Do or say something nice to or for someone every single day and it will change you for the better. In other words, resist the urge to be a douchebag.

From Adam Brass, "mix in some water."

Hug-it makes everything better.

When your jeans are too tight, your zipper comes down more easily, be more aware of this than I was last Thursday night. 

Be kind (especially if you are pointing out the above (she was BTW ;))

In the event your Birthday celebration lasts 13 hours-Dixie Chili can save your life!

And lastly, try for a positive attitude. Some days are harder than others, but try anyway!

Example:

(Today Elizabeth's huge new stroller/wheel chair wasn't locked and it rolled in the street and hit a truck, my purse was in it, luckily not her, and spilled everywhere in the street. While I was trying to pick up the contents and pack the stroller up, Elizabeth locked herself in the car and was so distraught when I couldn't  open the door. I had to have my dad drive to my house to get the spare key and she was hysterical by the time he got there. Oh, and I forgot to get the Christmas presents for church because I am a bad church goer, and was late getting presents for needy kids (not something to forget on the to do list). Also, Johnny woke up at 6 this morning, Sunday, and had dismantled and/or destroyed 50% of our eight total Christmas decorations before 7 am (we have no ornaments on the tree :(. He also accidentally bit through my skin because I didn't cut his pizza and get it to his mouth fast enough. We can't get a load of laundry dry because he plays in the dryer and throws the wet clothes on the floor.

Lastly and tragically, I face-timed myself twice while trying to text, but lived through it-barely. 

Hey, another typical Sunday! I still made it through-happy, pretty unscathed, and ready to take on whatever comes next!)

All you need is love

When I think of love, I usually think of my kids (that should go without saying, I know), Adam, family, friends, pets, Kit Kats,  Chipotle, scarves! I love them all and not necessarily in that order. Today, though, I have been thinking from where the ability to love comes? How can we profess it to everything from another human being to chips and salsa? How do we know how to love? Who teaches us? For me, and probably for many of us, it's Mom.

By one definition, love means deep affection, fondness, tenderness. I think of the feeling you get when you look at a newborn baby, on your wedding day, when you are sitting with your close friends. We all have the capacity for that love, but I believe someone shows us, by example, how to love so we can then pass it along, so we know what to do when we love someone else. When we are given love freely and without condition, it makes it natural to want to give it away.  My mom gave me that gift. Sure she also taught me to cook, sew, clean (ha, ha- no she didn't, but by no fault of her own, I had zero interest in these things from a very early age-I know it's cruel irony that I am responsible for all of the aforementioned now-except sewing of course, which sadly she still does for me). And maybe she didn't love me enough to get me to the Olympics-oh right, I didn't have any talent that would translate-but she did make me feel like I could do anything I set out to do.
And it wasn't just love, she also gave us so much more. She also instilled in us (my sisters and me) the power to believe in ourselves, that we were smart and capable. Still, though, I feel the most important thing she did, was saying the words "I love you", showing us by hugs, pats, kisses that no matter what we did (and we did a lot of bad) that we were were good, worthy, important-lovable. And she continues to pass this unconditional love onto her grandchildren (as well as her neurosis-oh come on, I had to throw one dig in!)

Happy Valentines Day Mom and thanks for teaching me how to love myself, loving me even when I didn't deserve it, and most importantly, for showing me how to give love away.

My first loves!

Oh yeah, mom, if you are reading this, can you babysit tonight? He, he just kidding, I couldn't resist!

Sisters

Family First

I love being with my family. That should go without saying, but hanging out with my sisters and my parents have been some of the best and most memorable :) times of my life!

Sarah is so funny. She tells great stories, is beautiful and is the life of the party. Laura is so smart and extremely generous. She is also beautiful, a ton of fun and they are both great moms. We have an absolute blast and too much wine when we are together! Oh, and we all live 5 minutes apart so it works out perfectly!

Laura's 40th

What a wonderful day that was. Celebrating 40 years of Laura!