Thursday, December 26, 2013

Random Thoughts

It Just Occurred to me that..................

Jimmy Fallon is the closest thing to perfection there is. #sofreakinfunny

It may be time to take a step back from my son's preteen life when I sweat my self tanner off at his basketball game. #wowthat'sembarassing

My little family makes the Griswold's look like the Von Trapp's. #therehastobehiddencamerasinthishouse

I am much less distressed by James Franco and Seth Rogan's version of "Bound 2" than Kimye's. #whatishappening?

I have been wearing my huge winter coat for 2 1/2 hours inside since I dropped the kids off. #needfirewoodASAP #freezing

Today of all days I hope noone tells me to "act my age". #justcan'tdoit #39yearsyoung

I hope the maddest I get today is after Johnny dumped my leftover Rio Grande all over the floor. #oneluckydog

The words "healthy holiday appetizer" should be banned from the English language. #oxymoron

I do love the song "Wrecking Ball", I just wish Miley would dress for the occasion. #anyoccasion

I have a grocery list a full page long and a stack of coupons, absolutely nothing on the list is what I have a coupon for. #whatisthematterwithme? #don'tanswerthat

Watching Johnny drinking a Capri Sun takes me back to my college days. #hepoundsit #impressive

I was so proud of myself for getting out my 5 Halloween decorations yesterday! #Oct29th

Yes, even with everything I have going on, I still have a fundamental problem with Kelly Osbourne hosting Fashion

Police. #youdon'tneedglassesitispurple

When my dad used to say, "good thing you're cute," he wasn't paying me a compliment. #ouch

Jacob is not procrastinating when he asks if he can wait till his dad gets home to do Math. He fully understands I have no idea what I am talking about and doesn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me as much. #6thgrademathistheworst

I wish Rocky IV was on tv more often. #deadserious

It may have been slightly inappropriate when Elizabeth's neurologist was referring her to an Orthopedist for Botox in the back of her legs to help straighten them and I asked if he thought they'd do a twofer.......#runningoutoffacecreamoptions

This is not a nine-year phase, Dora the Explorer is always going to be a part of my life. #backpackbackpack

If I wasn't so busy "keeping up with the Kardashians", I may not have found my autistic son two doors down in shorts and no shoes drinking out of a bird bath. #totallyblamingElizabethforthisone

Buying cute gym clothes is not the same as actually showing up at the gym. #noonesaidlifeisfair

Sunday Funday with the family shall henceforth be called Amber Alert Awareness Day. #gettin'thatkidashockcollar

When you have to say to someone "I was trying to be funny," you probably weren't. #toughcrowd

I look tired because I am....#needanap

Entemann's coffee cake could have been the best and worst decision I made today, until Rio Grande. #fullanddisgustedwithself

People will talk endlessly about subjects of which they know nothing. #oftenwrongneverindoubt

When someone asks me what I plan on doing that day, my first thought is, "I hope it involves Days of our Lives." #SamiBradyrocks #embarrassing

Quotes from the movie Tommy Boy run through my head way too frequently for someone my age. #housekeeping

I may need a handicap decal and a few autism stickers for someone not to be douchebag in carline #10moresecondswon'tkillya

My thighs may never not touch again.... #takeawalk

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Yeah, I kinda do..................

Wish going up and down stairs during the day doing laundry was considered the Stairmaster

Wish hair drying counted as weight lifting

Wish lifting or picking kids up counted as benching

Wish changing diapers was considered Pilates

Wish putting a 9 year-old kid with autism to bed who doesn't want to go to bed was considered Yoga or kick-boxing, depending on the night

Wish chasing kids with permanent markers/knives/scissors was considered marathon running or at the very least, sprints

Wish emptying the dishwasher counted as squats

Wish driving the kids to practices/school/therapy/Dr. Appointments etc. counted as riding on the stationary bike (is that pushing it?)

Then I could say-look at me-fit as a fiddle!

Disclaimer-Saying "fit as a fiddle", just makes me a woman of a certain age, not a total loser. Oh God, yes it does.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Potato Chips for Breakfast

I think about how I act when I need to eat and the nasty human being I become, so I think my kids come by it honestly when they act like little brats when they are hungry. Sorry, that was a little harsh, but I am starving. See what happens! Anyway, when there is even a hint that someone is crabby, I immediately think to myself-feed them. Even as infants when they would fuss I would automatically stick a bottle in their mouth. So it is really important to me that they are fed before school. I know, Mom of the Year. Wait, don't cast your vote yet, you haven't asked the front-running candidate what she feeds them. Well, I think I have become a little too lax on this. This morning-Chipotle, other times-leftover Mexican, on an organized morning a few years ago-a breakfast casserole, and more often than I'd like to admit-potato chips. What? Yes, potato chips. He refuses to eat cereal, scoffs at sweet things like doughnuts (I wouldn't lay claim to him for this-but it has been determined-he's mine), eggs-nope, toast-picks at it, but mostly leaves it scattered in crumbs on the floor, pancakes-not a fan, fruit-apparently only when he's in the mood. Seriously, what's a girl to do? I will tell you what this girl does-gives the kids some damn chips. I have done it and on more than one occasion. What can I say, he's a carb kid. He has to eat and I have to continue to live in this house without jumping off the roof head first, so potato chips it is!

Let the judgment begin or report me to the authorities, just don't write Dr. Oz on my behalf, he totally freaks me out.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

What would you change?

Do you ever wonder what your parents think about you as a person, your life, the decisions you have made even though you are an adult? Are you still doing things to appease and sometimes please them?  I still do, but then I begrudge them for it. Sorry, I do. And then my split personality rears its ugly head and I start to wonder if they think I have made good decisions, am a good parent, made the right career (or lack thereof :)) choices that would make them proud of me? So silly, but there was a specific episode in my living room yesterday that got me pondering this. My mom was talking to someone who comes to work with Johnny and the young woman was talking about graduate school, standardized tests, grades, applications and the like. My mom then launches into my resume at that age. And that age was a LONG time ago! What my grades were, my goals, and also the choices that I didn't make. It left me wondering, in her mind, is this where my accomplishments ended? It is true, after all, I didn't pursue graduate school, get the job that led to a lucrative career, push myself to that “next” level. And now here I am, married-those 3 crazy kids I incessantly rant about, in the hometown I grew up in, minutes away from many with whom I went to high school. And in that moment I gave myself a chance to think of another life that “could have been”, and then quickly realized I wouldn't have what is. And I love what is. I understand that maybe I am that person people feel sorry for because of the path I have chosen, or worse because of the circumstances of my children. I certainly don't want that, it serves no purpose. Empathy fine, sympathy, kindly-no.

I also know the fact that I am still talking about what is expected of me at this age just shows I cannot be almost 40, I must still be 24. Even though my babysitters keep insisting on comparing me to their own mothers, which makes me want to slap them square in the face. Not really. Yes, really.

Either way, I apparently took a road, less traveled or not, I do not know, but it has certainly made all the difference.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

End of an Era-the fake tree

Things that I have said would absolutely positively never happen-keep happening, sometimes daily. So for this post, I think I'll choose a rather comical and timely example. I have stated out loud I would not ever get a fake tree, not ever, and then life kept happening and fast forward to 2013 and for the first time, we have a fake tree. I haven't blocked out all of the memories of the real tree. Some remain vivid. Adam losing his mind because he can't get it to stand up straight, pine needles I am still finding under the carpet easily from two years ago, hives on my hands from putting on the ornaments, and of course, the epic battle of keeping Johnny from pulling every Santa and snowman ornament off as soon as you put it on, if not before (unfortunately that is going to happen real or fake, he doesn't discriminate). So why, why, why have we waited this long to succumb to the purchasing of a fake tree? Like most members of my family, I have to do things the hard way. If it doesn't cause angst, unnecessary heartache, and a good bit of arguing, apparently, I am just not interested. And so the tree is up and there was no yelling, fighting, and very little threatening. (don't worry, the threats were not between spouses, they were to Johnny who doesn't respond and is not deterred by idle threats). So the tree is up! It is a sad, sparse, nonliving little thing, but it stands straight, lights were (gasp) on it when it was bought, Adam has professed his love to it more in the last 48 hours than he has to me in 14 years, and Johnny has almost grown bored of pulling everything off! Everybody wins! The best part, Adam and I can remain in marital bliss, a marriage, for another year. Thank goodness, that's a relief. No really, it is. My mood has brightened and so bring it on Christmas-you can't break me.

Monday, December 9, 2013


From one child to another

I'm the kid you pass in the hall, say hello to, maybe share a moment in class,
I act differently than you and sometimes do not do as I am asked.
I spin, or twirl or flap my arms seemingly without care,
but there are times and experiences that with you I'd like to share.
I love clapping, singing, and laughing, and a stranger I've not met-
like you I am made in God's imagine, without shame, guilt or regret.
I know sometimes it is easier to laugh with friends even during my distress,
and wonder if you'll ask yourself why you mock the one whose words can't be expressed​?
Yet I promise I don't blame you, my own brother struggles from time to time too,
to be the one who has to stand up, instead of being cruel.
Parents too can be confusing and on their children many old prejudices land,
it is true of them as well, they are frightened by what they don't understand.
I hope in time you look into your heart because I know like mine it shines,
and then your mind will ask of you-will I be the one others call kind?

Mary Claire, Johnny's Mom

Have you ever?

Have you ever woken up and realized you are not in the middle of a bad dream?
Do you remember the moment that your life separated from the rest of the “team?”
Have you ever wished so much that there were others with whom your experience you might share?
Do you remember asking the questions in your head, but ask aloud you could not bear?
Have you ever tried to reach out so hard your arm might break?
Do you remember the agony and the tears so violent your whole body would shake?
Have you ever looked deep into eyes that do not respond?
Do you remember saying “I love you” so many times and prayed those words alone will solidify the bond?
Have you ever wished and prayed for things you believe that they will someday be true?
Do you remember the exact time when you found out the blanket would be blue?
Have you ever come out of the haze and realized there is always a light?
Do you remember the sheer power of love and the desire to never give up the fight?
Have you ever been so buried and lost in the despair?
Do you remember the realization there are just some things you cannot repair?
Have you lived with a special child that is truly a gift from above?
Do you remember telling him that he will now and always be loved?
Have you ever picked yourself up and decided to look forward and not back?
Do you remember knowing that was the only way to get on the right track?
Have you ever felt something so deeply your heart sits open for all to see?
Do you remember becoming grateful rather than begrudging how life has turned out to be?
Have you ever asked these questions over and over as if the record in your mind is broken?
Do you remember the moment when you realized you can feel your child's love, even when words remain unspoken?

Mary Claire Brass

Sunday, December 8, 2013


I did a Top 10 a couple of weeks ago about wonderful things that make my life a whole heck of a lot easier and I wouldn't want to live without. No, I am obviously not trying out for Survivor any time soon. OK you reader you- if you saw my blog where I listed this aforementioned Top 10- you may have noticed- I left off Spanx. Let me write it again, I left off Spanx. Crazy-I live for Spanx. They are critical to my well being and whatever self esteem I have left. And no one said anything-well, I forgive you. But, I needed to revisit this topic since Spanx are the single greatest invention in human history. I said it, and I semi-mean it. It got me wondering though,why do people like lists so much? (Meals with 5 ingredients cooked to perfection in 20 minutes, David Letterman's hilarious top ten, toned abs in 3 easy steps) It sucks you in. Does it make us feel like we can attain whatever it is? (let me save you some time, the ab one doesn't work) I admittedly will fall for it every time. I am a total sucker. My husband thinks it is because it is shortens/summarizes things so you don't have to feel like you are spending a lot of time reading it, when you probably should be doing something else. Most of the time, I should be doing something more productive than what I am actually doing, so pretty sure he was talking about me. Anyway, I decided to list the Top 4 reasons I think people like lists:

  1. Supposedly unclutter your house, save $, cook dinner, do squats all in one Redbook-sign me up!
  2. Checking something off makes even the most unproductive day seem, well, yeah, productive. Ah, the rush of marking something DONE!
  3. In our no-wait culture, lists are immediate gratification-(example-Adam Levine-sexiest man alive on the cover of People. You're gonna have to open the magazine to get the other 100 hot men. I don't agree with the choice either, but it's not worth getting that upset over-geeze. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow, it shall always be Ryan Gosling, 2nd on the list only to Adam Brass-had to sneak that in just in case he ever reads my blog)
  4. Who wants to go to the grocery 2-3 times in a day? Not this girl.
Oh my Gosh, I just read in Ladies Home Journal about “16 Women who made the World Happier This Year” (I told you I like a list) and Sara Blakely, founder of Spanx, has pledged to give away half of her money to charities that empower women. She's #1 in my book! OK, that was cheesy, but seriously, good for her! She a billionaire, btw (mom, that is "by the way" in kidspeak.) Ms. Blakely, my sister Laura and I will be expecting our handwritten thank you note in the mail any day........

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

God Gave Me You

You're amazing.....just the way you are

This morning I began trying to organize old medical records, forms, papers, etc. and it became quite an undertaking. There were literally stacks and stacks of it and in no particular order. So I quit doing it, whew, overwhelming! But I did come across a few that took me back to certain appointments with Elizabeth. I remember lots of doctors examining her like a science experiment, young students staring-confused, nurses trying to entertain her amid the long wait. I remember the the incessant questions, not for no reason, but invasive, and seemingly critical nonetheless. And then I remembered getting the report in the mail and some of the things describing my baby were:

17 partial monsomy syndrome, generalized convulsive epilepsy, muscle weakness and tone, growth hormone deficiency, gliosis, intellectual disability, motor skill disorder, intrauterine growth retardation, FTT (failure to thrive), just to name a few things from one visit.

This isn't to make you sad or pity her, she truly epitomizes strength and sweetness, and it isn't to criticize medical staff, they were doing their job. It is just to “let you in” on a little bit of what she faces as she powers through this life.

Elizabeth is a gift. She is one of those children that brings joy to everyone with whom she comes into contact. Sure she is bossy, pushy, and frustrating to the point of exhaustion, she is my child after all, but you just fall in love with her on sight.

When I am worried about her in the middle of the night, which is often, I start thinking of songs that remind me of her. The music that comes to me soothes my soul, calms inner turmoil, brings back the angst of the past and delights in the today. But there are those certain songs that I feel like were written for my loved one, family, and special moments. Does music do that for you? I could and do listen to certain songs over and over, they never disappoint. That actually turns out to be lucky for me because Johnny will listen to the same song a thousand times plus before he tires of it or I am forced to delete it depending on how deep I have sunk into madness from the sheer repetition. Sorry, this post is about Elizabeth! Anyway, about 4 am this morning I woke up with the song by Bruno Mars, “Just the way you are”, playing in my head. My thoughts immediately went to my precious hearted Elizabeth. This is my song to my sweet baby girl. She is such a power house. Beyond a hard worker, she is an avid learner and constant positive presence. She loves with an open heart under no conditions. She knows no prejudice, envy, or hate.

Here are a few of the lyrics of that song:

Just the Way You Are
By: Bruno Mars

When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing 
Just the way you are 
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Bah Humbug

Yep, I am annoyed. What is going on with you crazies having all of your Christmas decorations up and playing your holiday music, making new traditions......I don't like you. I am being such a scrooge, I know. I need to snap out of it, truly I do. I know it isn't your fault that I cannot motivate myself to do anything related to getting ready for Christmas, its the post Thanksgiving blues. And now I'm hungry. Or maybe, I am just scared to face the garage. Why the garage? That is where I store most of the holiday decorations. You see, over the course of the year, every once in awhile I will catch Johnny coming out of the garage with half of a decoration or an ornament that he has mutilated or broken somehow. It could be just the head of a Nutcracker, or an antler from what once was cute reindeer decoration, or maybe what was a sweet angel ornament that now is just a halo. So partly I think I 'm afraid to see the conditions of the decorations themselves, it could be a very scary Christmas with a one-eyed Santa and an elf with no legs. I don't know why he wants to destroy them, but he carries them, or pieces of them, around while singing sweetly (ho, ho, ho who wouldn't go, or It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, or sometimes even Up on the housetop) so he is obviously in the spirit. Yep, it's clear I am afraid of what I am going to find down there. Or it could be that I am so freakin' lazy that my sister walked in my house two days ago and took down a Trick or Treat sign. Ugh. Hold on, someone is at the door. Perfect, more presents I ordered that I now have to wrap. OK now that I am up, I will venture down to the garage and report back in a sec. Well, I guess it's not that bad, most of it I have to get rid of anyway because well you know. Basically it just looks like a ton of work in there, which is why I generally try and stay out of the basement/garage (laundry, spiders, all things bad).

Don't you feel better about yourself now? You are welcome, I'm here for ya. Oh I know what you are thinking-my kids need a good mom for Christmas. I am accepting only full time applications. Anyway, thanks for listening to that rant. I think I am to go make some hot chocolate and try and get in the mood. Just kidding, no I'm not.