Monday, December 15, 2014


IIt's like a really great wave of relief when 40 finally comes. If you worried, dreaded, or embraced it, it really doesn't matter, it comes regardless. Then comes the deep breath- and for me, it came with excitement for a new chapter.  This is the second half of my life that I am embarking upon (I hope I have at least 40 more good years left :)), and I have to come a few realizations (or really random thoughts).  I hope you don't mind me sharing. They are not original comments by any stretch, but they are from the heart!

Spend time with people who lift you up and support you. Let go of everything else!

It's OK to dream like a little girl. Even as adults, we should never lose that!

Sing Carrie Underwood's "Somethin' in the water", like you used to belt out Bon Jovi's "I'll be there for you." It feels great! 

Hope for the best for other people.

Celebrate life!

Be a good friend.

Remember and honor those that built you! 

Allow your children to see your flaws and and help them understand that you are a real person with thoughts, dreams and feelings. 

Empathetic and compassionate are words that I hope people use to describe me. 
(Rather than binge drinker and constant lip stick applier/wearer) 
Although, truth be told, they are probably all true

I've said it once, I'll say it again-a fake Christmas tree can save a marriage.

It is scary I am old enough that I could have given birth to any of the KY Wildcat basketball players. #BBN

Laugh. Every.Single. Day.


Appreciate family

I may not send Christmas cards ever again-that is not something to have anxiety about in the middle of the night

Do or say something nice to or for someone every single day and it will change you for the better. In other words, resist the urge to be a douchebag.

From Adam Brass, "mix in some water."

Hug-it makes everything better.

When your jeans are too tight, your zipper comes down more easily, be more aware of this than I was last Thursday night. 

Be kind (especially if you are pointing out the above (she was BTW ;))

In the event your Birthday celebration lasts 13 hours-Dixie Chili can save your life!

And lastly, try for a positive attitude. Some days are harder than others, but try anyway!
(Today Elizabeth's huge new stroller/wheel chair wasn't locked and it rolled in the street and hit a truck, my purse was in it, luckily not her, and spilled everywhere in the street. While I was trying to pick up the contents and pack the stroller up, Elizabeth locked herself in the car and was so distraught when I couldn't  open the door. I had to have my dad drive to my house to get the spare key and she was hysterical by the time he got there. Oh, and I forgot to get the Christmas presents for church because I am a bad church goer, and was late getting presents for needy kids (not something to forget on the to do list). Also, Johnny woke up at 6 this morning, Sunday, and had dismantled and/or destroyed 50% of our eight total Christmas decorations before 7 am (we have no ornaments on the tree :(. He also accidentally bit through my skin because I didn't cut his pizza and get it to his mouth fast enough. We can't get a load of laundry dry because he plays in the dryer and throws the wet clothes on the floor.
Lastly and tragically, I face-timed myself twice while trying to text, but lived through it-barely
Hey, another typical Sunday! I still made it through-happy, pretty unscathed, and ready to take on whatever comes next!)

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

My Heart's Song

So definitely one of the scariest or maybe most worrisome things about raising a child/children (in my case) with special needs is if they really understand what you are trying to communicate to them.  How or are they processing information and how much? What are they thinking about? What if something happens to them or someone hurts them and they can't tell me?  What do they love, what do they hate, what bothers them, what delights them? As a mother, am I frustrated or distracted too much?  What more do they need?  How or where do I start? Who needs what more?  Off the subject but equally as heartwrenching, do they know how much I love them? Do I tell them or show them enough? Certainly you want them to reciprocate that love, but you can't always get what you want! These questions plague my middle of the night thoughts. But then, as with everything in life, there are glimmers of hope that sneak up on me all the time. A few weeks ago Johnny was singing in the back seat with his IPAD and I immediately recognized the songs.  I used to sing the Dixie Chicks song "Lullaby" years ago when the kids were babies/toddlers before they went to bed.  I love all things Dixie Chicks, but especially this song, and it sounds like he was listening!

Ok, so he has to do a couple other Dixie Chicks songs to warm up, and he picks his nose and bangs his head with his fish, and I can't focus on his face because if he sees me videoing he immediately stops singing, and he tries to open the door when the car is moving-oh whatever,  I hope it makes you smile :)

"Lullaby" lyrics that he is singing at the end of the video:
They didn't have you where I come from
Never knew the best was yet to come
Life began when I saw your face
And I hear your laugh like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

I slip in bed when you're asleep
To hold you close and feel your breath on me
Tomorrow there'll be so much to do
So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you

Thursday, July 24, 2014

It is she

Elizabeth had an MRI last week and it was an incredibly long day. She has areas in her brain that need to be monitored because they have always been"abnormal" or "diseased".  We have to make sure those areas do not grow. She came out of it sick and weak and looking at me as if to ask, "why would you let them do that to me-again!?" However, even coming out of sedation, her bright personality shone through.  I am in constant awe of her strength. These were my thoughts as I watched her drift off and go in for her scan. 

Courtesy of Aunt Sarah
She is determined
She is strong 
She is attitude
She is kind
She is willful
She is bright
She is silly 
She is sweet
She is bold
She is brave
She is vulnerable
She is warm
She is mine

She is Elizabeth. 

Good news-MRI stable. 

Side note-In case you were wondering, and maybe you weren't, but my posts have been super short for two reasons 1.) my brain is mush in the summertime  2.) my computer is still broken!
Anyway,  I hope to be back with more content soon :)! But for now it appears I can only write in adjectives! 
Stay tuned though, we had a no pants extravaganza at Rossford Park I have to tell you about, that will no doubt make you feel like a better parent!

Thursday, July 10, 2014


A mentor
A friend
A companion
A humanitarian
A leader
A listener
A parent
A developer 
A protector
A guide 
An example
An inspiration
An individual
A hand to hold
A shoulder to lean on
A loving heart.......

                                                                                 A Teacher

John and Elizabeth have been going to an enrichment class this week with their special education teacher and an aide in their classroom. You could tell how much the kids love and miss them. These women are amazing! Everything they stand for makes my heart soar. Teachers truly amaze me! 

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Mothering him

He cries
I weep
He smiles
I rejoice
He coos
I adore
He runs
I follow
He trips
I fall 
He tries
I cheer
He breaks
I crumble
He laughs
I savor
He sings 
I love
He worries
I ache
He calms
I rest 
He sleeps
I dream

If he speaks, I will listen.

By: Mary Claire Brass

Sunday, June 15, 2014

The "sent from God" Father

I know, I know, my life is enviable. Everything about it, whether it's the f%$*ing spacebar that no longer works on my computer, my impossibly long legs, my perfect children, my always immaculate house, the laundry always being folded and of course, put away; my impeccable career choices, my easy breezy personality-yes well, the list goes on and on. There is one thing though, one thing that I want to brag on today without my usual sarcastic tone, and that is Adam. Adam is the father that is giving and forgiving. He is the father that is kind and patient,  He is the father that asks for nothing for himself. He is the father that is hardworking. He is the father that loves with his whole heart.  He is a grateful father. He is a generous father. He is a playful father. He is the best father for which a kid could ask.
I hope this Father's Day he can sleep until 7:30 am (that is what he asked for) and that our little family shows him how much he is appreciated and loved. 
Trampoline fun!

Saturday, May 31, 2014

A Dear John letter

Dear John,
Today I broke. I am so sorry. It was one of the long Saturdays when we don't break it up enough, when we expect too much from you, when I get overwhelmed and just want to want a minute. Truth be told, I don't want to play with you all the time. Don't get me wrong, I adore when we squirt each other with the hose, play and splash around in your pool, play trains and tractors, and of course, sing along with you as you belt out everything from Eminem to The Sound of Music.But sometimes on the 765th time of "backpack backpack", I become overwhelmed. I just want Pop to get you and drive you around, I want a break.
Admittedly, when you threw your IPAD in the pool, went to the bathroom on the floor, ate the frozen yogurt with your hands, knocked over the dog's water for the third time, put your open Gatorade bottle that was half full on my bed, pulled all of your sister's clothes out of the drawers, and took everything out of your brother's closet-I got angry. I grabbed your arm too hard, I yelled, I asked you questions you wouldn't or couldn't answer. What I did was lose control. I hate when I do that, when I am weak. I can imagine Mimo would say that weakness is unbecoming, and she'd be right. I fell apart. And the guilt is awful. You deserve better. You don't make eye contact often, but when you do, I sometimes feel you are looking through me, wondering how I don't get it by now. And I can't  help and think of what you'd say to me if you could. Help me, play with me, understand me, know me?  I want you do know I am trying.
 I felt like we had a good first part of the day. We played, took a walk, had your favorite foods, watched your shows, went outside. So I keep asking myself- what happened? I ask that question, knowing I may never have the answer.
I want you to know your curiosity, mischievousness, and "being a boy" are my very favorite things about you. Your perseverance to have whatever it is you want at that exact moment is not your fault, that is my blood running through your veins. I just hope you understand that I am doing the best I can, that I love you with all my heart and that I promise I will do better tomorrow.
This Dear John letter is a bit different, it is a commitment to you my dear Johnny, to your development, to your happiness. It has been and is going to be quite a ride, we both better hold on.......
A little light reading...............

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Loving yourself

"Nothing can dim the light which shines from within."- Maya Angelou

What would it be like to look in the mirror and smile every single time?  No judgement, no critical eye, just plain acceptance.  Or even better, if you looked in the mirror and actually liked what you saw. I am so happy that for Elizabeth, this is what it is like. What is it about her disability or possibly and probably more likely, her ability, to love the person she looks at in the mirror? She kisses herself, puts her hands in the air as if to say "look at me", and is genuinely proud.  I am in awe of it.
I don't know what the future will hold for her, what she will or won't be able to accomplish. Whether or not she will speak, grow taller, or do simple tasks on her own. But I do know this, she has mastered what most women I know (including myself), never will-appreciating herself for exactly who she is.
This particular morning, she was in the kitchen before school giving her "ta-da" pose and my husband was lucky enough to catch it. I had moved a mirror down from her room for a jewelry party for friends to take a look at their potential purchases on themselves before committing. As usual, I hadn't yet put the mirror back upstairs where it belonged so Elizabeth was able to watch herself eat, play, clap and sing.  
Besides treasuring this picture,  I am going to try and learn a lesson from sweet Elizabeth. I am going to make a concerted effort to trade hating my love handles, cellulite and dark circles for loving my spirit, my heart, and my innate abilities. I want to try, I hope you will too. 

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Dear Potential Employer

It is time to start the dreaded job seeking process so I have been brainstorming some potential selling points about myself in my hiatus from the workplace. Let me know what you think.

To whom it may concern:

I recently read about your opening in the BS section of Job Postings on SomewhatConnected and I believe I am more than qualified. 
Below are a few examples of why you should not only consider hiring me, but why I am the best candidate for the position. 

Relevant skills:

Highly efficient:
I can walk into Kroger with a little cart at 2:25 and out by 2:45 with $136 in groceries (Admission: I still do not have a clue what my family will eat for dinner.)

Strong work ethic:
I am up very early and many times throughout the night and am able to somewhat successfully meet my children's needs  (Admission: I require midafternoon naps.)

I will wear make-up every day. (Admission: I sleep in it.)

Almost always, unless confronted with phrases such as  "at the end of the day", "all our ducks in a row" or "on the same page". (Admission: the aforementioned boardroom phrases cause horrific flashbacks and I will need to take to my bed for 72 hours or go on a bender-either way, I won't be at work)

I stayed in a job I despised for 8 years (Admission: I skated by for 6 of them) 

Extremely ambitious:
I once signed up for a 5K and finished it. 
(Admission: I walked.)

Ability to multi-task:
I am literally pulled by my children in different directions and have to figure out daily, sometimes minute by minute, how to make everyone happy or at least somewhat  satisfied  (It is still it easier to please two significantly disabled children than 90% of my former employers)
(Admission: I don't like to be told what to do)

Totally flexible
(Admission: Available 9:00 AM-2:30 PM most days. Note: I prefer to have Fridays off in case my friends are going to lunch. It doesn't happen often, but ideally would like to leave it open just in case. You understand, with your golf schedule and all, you won't miss me a bit.)

Salary Requirements:
(Admission: there is no basis for it, it is just a fact)

I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience. Although, truth be told, it's best to contact me between 8:00 PM-9:15 PM (unless it's Monday, 24 is back!). 

No worries about this future employee "leaning in". Zoning out, maybe. 
Oh, just FYI-I won't sue for any reason, way too much paperwork.


MAB-Mary Claire Alexander Brass-AKA-
(Mediocre at Best)

Attachments: None. My resume, much like myself, is a "work in progress".

Wednesday, May 7, 2014


Feeling overwhelmed with emotion and sadness for the Nigerian girls and their families.

As Mother's Day approaches, if your daughter is safe, be grateful. Do not let these girls leave your thoughts. I am trying to imagine them as safe and at home with their families and will support any efforts to get them there. 

I could not get in touch with my son for just two hours yesterday and was about to lose my mind (my 12 year-old) These 12 year-old daughters are at risk of being sold or worse. They are at risk for the unimaginable.

All I know to do is sign a petition at, so I did, and I have tweeted with the #BringBackOurGirls. I haven't called my Senator or Congressman, so I will do that today. And now I sit in my freedom and I pray for their strength, their resolve, their souls, their lives. These girls and their families do not have what we have-choices, education, opportunity. Is there a greater global crisis than this that is going seemingly unnoticed? 
How are we not doing more? 

If you know of other ways to help, could you share them?

Thank you.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

What Women Want Wednesday

Women want.......

 Fitness not to be as elusive as the Loch ness

 The Chick-fil-a line to be shorter, although it is fascinating how quickly it goes

The dishes to be done, preferably by someone else


One chin

Wine not to have calories

Cellulite cream that keeps it promise (and eye cream, and fine line cream, oh and under eye circle cream.....)


Chocolate and chips at the ready

Never to be told "no"

To laugh......often

For no child to ever be hungry or suffer

Friendships, fun, flowers (in that order)

To hear an old school Bon Jovi, Poison, or Def Leopard song spontaneously on the radio once a day (no? just me, I guess)

Did I mention sleep..........

Ah yes, and this of course!

Monday, April 14, 2014

Somewhere In Between

Twelve Reasons why we love our almost teenagers, but don't always like them so much.............

1.) You say "I love you," he mumbles something and then "ya too." Ah, heartwarming

2.) His unbridled rage can make you want to hug, hit, and run away from him all at the same time.

(I have no idea where that rage comes from, by the way ;))

3.) He can literally hate and love the very same thing within seconds, and how dare you not know why?

4.) He tightens when you try and hug or kiss him, but turns into a big softy at bedtime, which is also now your bedtime and ironically the only time he wants affection and you desperately just want to sleep!

5.) His interests are Sports, sports, oh, and sports

6.) Just when you thought you had perfected the art of sarcasm, you realize you have nothing on the smartass mouth of a twelve year-old

7.) Don't even bring up the opposite sex, it is so clearly none of your business

8.) You see yourself in the eye roll and you want to smack yourself (and him) in the face and simultaneously apologize to your own Mother

9.) You realize it might be time for both of you to be seeing a therapist

10.) Hormones

11.) You thought drama was reserved for 12 year-old girls. Epic mistake.

12.) He doesn't need you as much, but you still want him to :(

Happy Birthday to my sweet, smart, funny, talented, frustrating, infuriating, crazy, wouldn't trade him for the world (most days), one and only-Jacob Alexander Brass

4 weeks
12 years

When life hands you lemons..............

Watch Tommy Boy

Whatever the question-watching this movie is always a good answer. It's a classic. (Yes, seriously, I believe that is!)  Man, how I loved Chris Farley. He and David Spade in this movie are comedic heaven. Back in the day, I made my mom watch Tommy Boy with me. She didn't particularly think the movie was that funny, but she thought it was really funny watching me watch the movie. Anyway, last week was a bit of a rough one with Elizabeth, more on that later, and I needed a good laugh. Luckily, Tommy Boy never disappoints.

Below are some of my favorite lines (thanks to

Richard (David Spade) picks Tommy (Chris Farley) up at the airport after he finally graduates from college:
Tommy: I l-left a message.
Richard:  A message? What number did you call?
Tommy: Two, four, niner, five, six, seven...
Richard: I can't hear you, you're trailing off and did I catch a niner in there? Were you calling from a walkie-talkie?
Tommy: No, it was cordless.
Richard: You know what? Don't. Not here, not now.

Richard: [Watching Tommy eat french fries and then squirting ketchup into his mouth
Ugh, I can actually hear you getting fatter.

Richard quizzing Tommy before they go out to try and make a sale.
Richard: What is our carrying charge for all the merchandise in the warehouse?
Tommy: Ohhhh, man...
Richard: One and a...
Tommy: ...half percent. I knew that. Why can't I remember it?
Richard: Try an association like, uhhh... Let's say the average person uses ten percent of their brain. How much do you use? One and a half percent. The rest is clogged with malted hops and bong resin.

Richard: [after Tommy explodes in a client's office] That guy may not call us.
Tommy: I can't believe he called me a psycho.
Richard: Hey, were you in there just now? You are a psycho... Good God. And comb your hair.

Tommy: Did you hear I finally graduated?
Richard: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too. All right.
Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.
Richard: I know, they're called doctors.

[Tommy carelessly set an open bag of M&M's on the dashboard and they immediately pour into an open vent]
Richard: Oh that sounds good: melted chocolate inside the dash. That really ups the resale value.
Tommy: I think you'll be okay here, they have a thin candy shell. 'Surprised you didn't know that.
Richard: I think your brain has a thick candy shell.
Tommy: Your... Your brain has the shell on it.
Richard: Are you talking?
Tommy: Shut up, Richard.

[Richard and Tommy almost got in a car accident]
Richard: Hey... I was just thinking... when we stopped for gas this morning I think it was you who put the oil in.
Tommy: Hey if you're going to say I didn't put the right kind in, you're wrong. I used 10-W-30. And besides, motor oil would have nothing to do with this accident.
Richard: True. But you can't latch the hood too well, IF YOU DON'T TAKE THE CAN OUT, YOU NO-SELLING WASTE OF SPACE.
[Tommy winces at his mistake]
Richard: I swear to God, you're worthless!

[Seeing Tommy's office]
Richard: You have a window! And why shouldn't you? You've been here ten minutes.

Now, picture Chris Farley in David Spade's blue blazer doing "fat guy in a little coat."
Smile and have a great day!

Gotta love the underdog!
Chris Farley, you are missed!

Monday, April 7, 2014

Don't Poke the Bear

There are few things as important to us as our children. Let me rephrase, there is nothing more important to us than our children. But for some reason, unbeknownst to me, in a public school system where supposedly nothing short of excellence will be tolerated, my children are once again the forgotten ones. Not only not important, but seemingly their education given up on. Their development and progress simply does not matter to the school.
There is nothing like an IEP (individual education plan) meeting to catapult a person into this reality.
Let me give you a little taste. The uplifting message from PT and OT in this particular meeting was that, my autistic, basically nonverbal child in the most severally disabled classroom in the district has "plateaued."
"Nothing more they can do to help him."
"They feel like their time is not well spent with him."
"There is nothing that they, as therapists, can do, that can't be done by his teacher and his aides in the classroom." (because the teachers and aides don't do enough,that is sarcasm at its height-in actuality these people are literally sent from heaven and already do everything for the kids, so why don't we just put a little more on their plate?). 
So just to recap in case you missed something and because I don't still fully believe it myself:
Johnny is in the ONLY FMD (functional mental disability) classroom in all the elementary schools in this city.  He is nonverbal, has had an autism diagnosis since he was three, is one of only four children in the most severely disabled classroom in the entire district and he no longer qualifies for PT services, and his OT services were recommended to be reduced.
"His education is not impacted by safety issues."
Are we talking about the child who will walk out in four lanes of traffic without blinking an eye, or the child that will climb a jungle gym and stand at the very edge of an overhang, look right at you and dare you with his eyes to pay attention to something or someone else and if you do, he will step off the ledge, the child who has zero danger awareness or if he does know, he doesn't care, the child that still does not alternate his feet when going down stairs (which is a big milestone in development). The child that does not throw, pass, or kick a ball on command, the child that cannot sit in a given seat for any significant amount of time without intervention, prompts or rewards, the child that will dart through the school-classrooms, cafeterias, or gym without regard to his own or anyone else's safety. The child who has had poor coordination and low muscle tone on every developmental evaluation since he was 10 months old.  
This child is no longer receiving PT services? Actually that is a statement not a question-this child is no longer receiving PT services. He is still receiving OT, don't even get me started on this topic. My rage will go unbridled until my fingers fall off and I am grateful he is still getting this much needed therapy. I just keep thinking how it was mentioned that the therapists do not have the "resources" to help John. If anyone has a child in this school system, that would make your blood boil, it just would not be tolerated. And I find it equally unacceptable to be said regarding my child's education and future. Yes, I understand it is a public school, but tell me what you need to help him and I will get it. Instead, they look at me for what to do, what to try, strategies to use, ideas. I keep comparing it to getting an email from my oldest child's math teacher asking me how to teach him Algebra. I know, wouldn't happen. 
One thing that became blatantly obvious on that day, in that meeting. No one sitting around me at that table could see things from my perspective. Maybe that's not their fault, maybe it's the "system" that is broken. But, I know they look at me like I am so very different than they, like they could never be me. And I get that, I thought I could never be me.  But I found this "throw up our hands" mentality from therapists in our or any school system, embarrassing and offensive.
Imagine as a parent with a child at any level, being told that they had plateaued? Yeah, I thought it was unimaginable too. For those of you that never have to go through an IEP meeting-you are truly a fortunate person. For those of you that do, I feel ya, it sucks and as much as you want to believe that everyone is there for your child, unfortunately, some are not. You and you alone must fight for your kid and their education. Your child is worth it, no matter if the message is subtle or as blatant as the one above.
Luckily, I have taken a couple of weeks to calm down (oh yeah, totally calm now, I deleted my first rant immediately after the meeting). Now, more than anything, I am disappointed and sad. Of course, I plan to continue working cooperatively with the school, but I will not cower and allow my child to slip through, be forgotten, not get the services he is entitled to and desperately needs for his development and gasp, his education.  I will take accountability for my part. I got lazy, complacent, hibernated for a bit because I felt comfortable, like we were in a good place. Unfortunately, my son couldn't tell me otherwise. I am his voice.
There is no place for a sense of security in special education- the bear has been poked. 
I swear I didn't write this! 

Funny Note: People have asked me why I used this title-Adam says this to Jacob about making me mad :).

Monday, March 24, 2014


I have never thought of myself as fearful, vulnerable, assailed by doubts, dare I say-a weak person. But, these feelings have been wracking my mind and my soul lately.  Is it the typical ups and downs of motherhood, the stay-at-home thing (and it's not work at home in this case-my kids are in school, my house is a mess, and we have no food :)). Maybe it is just feeling a lack of purpose?  I am not sure, but it has been eating away at me for some time. And I have done the drill-you know the drill- the positive talk, smiling for no apparent reason whatsoever, yoga/meditation. And it is not that they don't work-they do, it's the consistency of it all.  The day in and day out.  So I decided  to look to some quotes for motivation.  I picked a few of my favorites and added a little spin/sarcasm just for fun.

"Walk a mile in my shoes."
You don't want any part of that!  Let's walk a mile in Sarah Jessica Parker's shoes.

"The proof is in the pudding."
Lies! The proof is in the Kit Kats, Doritos and Wine, which leads to the inevitable proof of saddlebags and love handles

"You can be whatever you want to be."
OK, I want to be Beyonce.

"You might have to fight a battle more than once to win it."-Margaret Thatcher
Don't I know it sister.

"Hope is a waking dream." -Aristotle
I hope to go back to bed.

"If you're going through hell, keep going."-Winston Churchill
But it's such a long walk.

"The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away."-Anonymous
My gift is bingeing, who wants it?

"Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right."-Henry Ford
I hate accountability.

"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible."-Dalai Lama
I'm starting to crack-this one is so good. The fog is lifting- ignore everything I said in the above post and have a great day! ;)

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Time, what have you done to me?

Birds chirping, sunlight, walking the dog, playing outside with the kids-all wonderfully spectacular signs of Spring. Spring also brings birthdays for both my boys, my brother-in-law and my nephew. So much to celebrate!  Recently my mother-in-law sent an email about their upcoming visit to celebrate aforementioned birthdays and said she is refusing to face the fact she has a son turning 40. Even though I am turning 40 this year as well, I had to read her comment again and again. How could this be, that her first born is turning 40? I totally get it though, I am freaked out about having a preteen son so having a child turn 40 would be so crazy! I guess that feeling never goes away. Plus, she and my father-in-law are fit and active and travel and have a fabulous life, and I think of them as being 50ish!  I know-not possible-she didn't have her first baby at ten. You know how you feel when you haven't seen an acquaintance's kids for awhile and you remember them toddling around and then you run into those same kids and they have braces and are 4 inches taller than you, its probably like that. The passage of time smacks you right in the face. It certainly makes me want to stop time and not in a botox kind-of way (not that there's anything wrong with that), just to slow things down a bit.  My sisters and I were talking about it last weekend. The days, weeks, years are flying by.  I know I have complained relentlessly all winter about the snow days being endless, and no doubt they were loooooong, but where are the years going? I realize you can't have it both ways, make the days go fast, but the years slow down. Actually, you cannot have it either way now that I think about it. :/
I have to be careful when reflecting on these moments, this can be a slippery slope for me. It is critical to my personal growth  sanity, not to compare my life with others, especially in situations when others talk about their kids growing up, going to college, marrying, moving out-because it sometimes makes my own reality seem daunting. Why? Because Adam and I may never be "empty nester's" or grandparents or alone again....ever. And that has to be ok, really it has to be better than ok. In fact, it has to be a life to look forward to.  Even if John and Elizabeth's future may be very different from the norm- it certainly matters just as much. It is something to look forward to in the way they change a person's perspective on life or how their laugh makes someone's day.  The way when they master a task making even the tiniest milestone worth celebrating. The way that quitting is a concept that will never occur to them.  The way they have taught a very once selfish mom to understand loving someone so much more than she ever thought possible.They way they have made me realize that as I age, I am better able to stop and appreciate my life for what is, them for who they are. That even though they are not changing like most children are or have or will, they are still changing and learning and growing. Differently yes, but beautifully all the same.
I know I have mentioned this before, but my mom would always warn when we were younger, "one day you will walk past the mirror and wonder, who is that woman?"  And she was right, I already take that double glance, often wondering if the bags will eventually take over my entire face. On a positive note though-isn't this a good thing because I still feel like that 25 year-old on the inside?  And, thankfully, hopefully, my mind is evolving like the adult I have become (sans the stage dancing -see Oops I did it again post).  But the beauty of getting older is you realize it's no longer as important what you see in that mirror, it's who you see that matters.
TBT-birthday boys!  2006-What?
TBT-Brass family at Elizabeth's christening
Where has the time gone? 

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Oops I did it again.....................

Obviously, Adam and I don't go out a ton.  Besides the fact it is extremely expensive to do so,  my dear responsible husband doesn't particularly like to drink a lot, break it down on the dance floor, and feel exhausted for the next 2-3 days paying for just a few hours of fun. I, on the other hand, well.......let's just make the caged animal comparison and you'll get the picture.  I love live music, being with friends, engaging in a few cocktails, and apparently getting on stage and singing the classic "Fight for Your Right" by Beastie Boys. I don't know why the 15 year-old boy in me feels the desperate need to break free, but he's in there and that song brings him out for sure.  Of course, I realize the lyrics are inappropriate and borderline offensive, but it's not like I sing it in my living room (shower yes, living room, no) Because I have done the "stage thing" on more than one occasion, it has caused some, shall we say, domestic issues. And, as I am embarking on 40 (yes, it has taken this long!), I am starting to see (a little bit) Adam's point-it might be time to retire from the stage to the front row (I am not giving up the front row under any circumstances!) Big sad sigh.
But like any adolescent boy, I am not going down without a fight. Therefore, I decided to make a Pro and Con list and let it decide if I continue to embarrass myself in public.

Pros                                                                                     Cons

It's harmless fun                                                               I look ridiculous

It keeps me young                                                            I'm not young

It makes the middle-aged band feel good                    I have my own self-esteem to worry about

Everyone has a release and it's harmless                     If my son found out, he would be mortified

You can still get a little crazy and be a good Mom      My definition of crazy may be skewed

Dancing is great stress relief                                            And it can be done off stage, apparently

Exercise                                                                                Sadly, I am sore the next day

In the case of a tie-Pro's WIN!
In all seriousness, this has caused some severe anxiety over the past few days and as Adam and I fought about it discussed it I asked him, "you wouldn't want me to change who I am" and he gave a classic response, "sometimes you just need to be less of who you are."  Truer words have never been spoken.  I will take his opinion into consideration, but I am not making any promises!

Friday, February 28, 2014

Dear Oscar

As you may know, I started writing this blog because I wanted  needed to get out of my own head. So many things regarding the kids were cluttering my brain that it was literally threatening revolt. So I decided to "journal on the internet" and some friends and family have commented that they like it! Well, my rants on pop culture have also gotten as many or more laughs as my angst ridden, losing my mind, wanting to morning drink posts, so- here you go!

Caution:  I have not seen any of the movies nominated for an Oscar, so as usual, this post will be entirely superficial.

Dear Oscar:
Just change your statue to Lupita Nyong and get it over with.  Is there a more perfect specimen on the planet? I think not. And she went to Yale school of drama?  Life really isn't fair (no it didn't take Lupita's beauty and brains for me to realize that life isn't fair.)

Dear Oscar:
Don't let Julia Roberts take her stylist hostage again like she did at the Golden Globes.  You know you are surrounded by "yes" people when you decide to stick a white collared button down shirt under your couture dress and get on any "best" dressed list.  We know Julia, you just are out there living the simple life.  (Barf)

Of course, I'm more than a little jealous she still looks fab

Dear Oscar: 
Cut to George, Bradley, and Matthew as much as possible. Oh, and Brad too if he is shaven, short haired and sans Angelina (come on, it's a joke! But really, she'll probably be busy saving lives or better yet, eating a sandwich)

Dear Oscar:
I want  Bruce Dern to win just on the basis of his pre Oscar interviews. He said things like he has been "waiting for the call" for 55 years and it feels good to be "invited to the table."  His humility is heartwarming, plus old people say funny stuff in acceptance speeches.

Dear Oscar:
Woody Allen's genius should be celebrated where it belongs-prison.
                                         (No picture will be inserted, think creepy......)

Dear Oscar:
Please refer to Sandra Bullock as such. I know her"besties" call her "Sandy" but it makes me look behind her for Danny Zuko. How about you stop calling her "Sandy" and I'll quit saying "Bestie"-deal?  Otherwise she is perfect, and keeps getting better with age.

Dear Oscar:
Please feature musical guests.  Maybe some Kanye, I need something ridiculous to write about on Monday. Thanks in advance!

Dear Oscar:
What movies?  As much Ellen as possible!!

A girl pitiful enough that she really thinks she and Jimmy Fallon would be friends if she could just meet him.
We have so much in common . He has like 10 million viewers for his show and I have about 10 readers for this blog!