Don't be sad!!!

I am not kidding. No part of this blog should make you sad-about me or my kids! We are "fine"! Don't you love that word? Fine. Fine means nothing. It is a dumb word. So let's replace it with crazed, stressed, out of our minds -those seem about right.  But even then we really are-fine. Better than fine most days. Worse others-just like everyone else. Where is this coming from-well my mom is super worried that I am not "happy". After every blog she comes over with that worried "mom look". She is afraid that things get too hard,  that things are too overwhelming, that I will run away from home (that would actually be a possibility, but it seems like too much work). And if in reading this, sometimes you are worried too, please don't. It's supposed to be funny and make you, the reader, take a minute to reflect on your own life, it's complications, ups and downs, and know that somebody else is going through something. We all are!  Mine is not better or worse than yours, we all have stuff. So don't be sad! Really, I'm fine 😉!

Take this morning for instance-it's pouring down rain, cold rain that seeps into your skin and makes it impossible to get warm, and of course, it's time to leave for school. Elizabeth is already in the car watching a video-one down. Johnny has coat on ready to go-everything seems eerily fine but because the dog is deathly afraid of the rain, he freaks and bolts passed us, knocking hot coffee out of my hand and all over me, pain shoots through me but I figure since I'm already wet, what's a little rain, maybe it'll take the sting out. To recap, the dog has taken off straight to the car. Now, you are thinking, just let him ride with you, and I have in the past-a lot.  EXCEPT, he barks at literally everything. And it is so loud and ominous that it leaves Elizabeth in a pool of her own tears every single time. So I get the leash to get the dog, grab John's hand to take him out, put John in the car, bring/drag the dog in, take the leash off, breathe, open the door, and simultaneously the dog almost takes me off my feet and runs back to the car where John no longer resides-he is headed for the neighbors-probably to get some peace. Rage building, I run after John, the dog has jumped in the car (of course John didn't shut the door behind him, it's only raining sideways!) Elizabeth sits quietly watching Bruno Mars, I think, "yeah I'm gonna uptown funk somebody up. Don't believe me just watch." 

The dog and I are now wet and disgusting and he is leaving clumps of hair everywhere and now I don't know how I'll get him out (he's large-we both put on the winter 10, only to work the lbs. off in the Spring just in time for the the Sam Adams summer ale to hit the shelves and on again it goes!) So, I get the leash again, get John back in the car, pick up the 80 lb. dog to get him out of the passenger seat (the rage has set in, so I have Hulk strength) and once again pull him inside and almost take my own hand off trying to shut the door behind me. I run burnt and soaked to the car (because I don't want another escape by Johnny and because being late is not an option), only looking up for a second for the cameras. Because surely candid camera was following me this morning and that was some good footage! They will be able to edit out the curse words (and possibly and more importantly the butt shot of me picking up the dog from the car) for primetime TV. They'll have to, I'll be a rich reality star so I'll demand it! 

Not sad!!! 

I want you to think about it and smile, because (hopefully) this blog is for every mom! The mom of multiples who can't imagine getting through another bedtime routine, the mom who just had to go back to work and leave her child at daycare for the first time, the mom whose child was just diagnosed and they are crippled with the whys, hows, and what's next questions, the mom who has had it pretty good so she pays it forward, the moms who will never let go of wanting happiness for their kids no matter how old they are, the dad's who have either done the above or love and support the moms who do! So please don't be sad-celebrate your life, celebrate your kids (exactly how they are), and most importantly, celebrate you! 

BTW-anybody want a dog?

Bitter - 1 Mary - 0

And if I have to hear the Sports Center loop one more time about the younger than I am Peyton Manning being old, someone or something, likely the tv, is going to get hurt

And just when I am going to be mom of the year by making pizza, curly fries and fish sticks for prelunch (because minutes are decades on snow days, so prelunch starts anytime between 9:00-11:30 am) my twelve year-old asks for apples and peanut butter, I hate him and his discipline. And I hate his father who instilled all of those good habits. Where is his father anyway?  Oh, yeah, work. Whatever.

And if that same twelve year-old bounces the basketball on my already warped and failing floors one more time, things are going to get bad-especially for him. 

And when that exact same twelve year-old says he's glad it's a snow day because school is just a bunch of old people talking and you don't learn anything anyway, I shouldn't respond, "well it's a good thing you're going straight to the NBA from high school then," when it's probably the only conversation I've had with him this week and sarcasm is lost on him anyway

And if my 10 year-old son sits on my lap when I am on the toilet one more time to read Curious George-I may cry (check that box) 

And if that same son slams the doors over and over again in frustration from the mere sound of his sister's voice one more time my head might explode

And if that same son crushes one more piece of fruit in my bed or in my hair, I am going to scream
And if that exact same son doesn't get off the bed while I am trying to make it, ha-that was to see if you were still reading, of course I wasn't making the bed.  Silly. 

And if my daughter cries when I leave the room just to tend to the aforementioned slamming and fruit debacle, I might lose my shit (she doesn't really even like me that much, I'm just the only option at the moment)

And if that same daughter pulls everything out of the junk drawers (yes, they are all junk drawers) and chews up paper one more time, I might let her choke on it (oh come on-just kidding!) 

And if that exact same daughter puts one more Lego, binty, small object in my coffee cup one more time, I'll probably do nothing-just make another new cup. 

I swear I am never making it to real  lunch. (Anytime after 11:30 am) 

I did, in fact, make it to "real" lunch.....here's the proof

I don't know why she puts items in open containers,
I think she thinks she is cleaning up :)

And if that moment arrives, as it always does-that I realize that I get to have these moments-because I am alive and capable and healthy. And that I need to embrace these moments. Not because they are fleeting, because in my world they are likely forever. But because I can experience them. It shouldn't be that one of my dearest friend's sister is lying in a  hospital bed fighting for her life to force me to get to the point where I appreciate what I have right now, today. I want to have a grateful heart all the time. (Add that to the long list of to-dos). Deep sigh and breath. 

I need to take a step back, get out of my own head. I need to play when I want to collapse, sing when I want to scream, read when I want to rest, breathe when I want to suffocate, drink when I want to drink (you knew that was coming) and repeat because today I can-and for no other reason than that.

****Please pray for Darcy Patton Nayler, she is my friend Laura Patton's sister.  She needs positive thoughts and prayers!!  She is literally fighting for her life, makes everything else seem ridiculous, doesn't it?

Prayer

Please pray

Even if you haven't prayed before

Even if you don't believe in its power

Even if you don't have the time

Please pray

Because children need a Mother 

Because Mothers shouldn't get cancer or life threatening illnesses

Because it is the right thing to do

Because it causes no harm, and could do a world of good

Because it's about someone else

Because it is positive

Because it is for a Mother, sister, daughter, and friend

If you took a moment to read this, take the next to pray for Darcy Patton Nayler's strength, her healing, her family, her life. 

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/darcypattonnayler/journal/view/id/54f3ea7d4db9219b01cf3bdd

Thank you. 

#40

IIt's like a really great wave of relief when 40 finally comes. If you worried, dreaded, or embraced it, it really doesn't matter, it comes regardless. Then comes the deep breath- and for me, it came with excitement for a new chapter.  This is the second half of my life that I am embarking upon (I hope I have at least 40 more good years left :)), and I have to come a few realizations (or really random thoughts).  I hope you don't mind me sharing. They are not original comments by any stretch, but they are from the heart!

Spend time with people who lift you up and support you. Let go of everything else!

It's OK to dream like a little girl. Even as adults, we should never lose that!

Sing Carrie Underwood's "Somethin' in the water", like you used to belt out Bon Jovi's "I'll be there for you." It feels great! 

Hope for the best for other people.

Celebrate life!

 

Be a good friend.

Remember and honor those that built you! 

Allow your children to see your flaws and and help them understand that you are a real person with thoughts, dreams and feelings. 

Empathetic and compassionate are words that I hope people use to describe me. 

(Rather than binge drinker and constant lip stick applier/wearer) 

Although, truth be told, they are probably all true

I've said it once, I'll say it again-a fake Christmas tree can save a marriage.

It is scary I am old enough that I could have given birth to any of the KY Wildcat basketball players. #BBN

Laugh. Every.Single. Day.

Dance

Appreciate family

I may not send Christmas cards ever again-that is not something to have anxiety about in the middle of the night

Do or say something nice to or for someone every single day and it will change you for the better. In other words, resist the urge to be a douchebag.

From Adam Brass, "mix in some water."

Hug-it makes everything better.

When your jeans are too tight, your zipper comes down more easily, be more aware of this than I was last Thursday night. 

Be kind (especially if you are pointing out the above (she was BTW ;))

In the event your Birthday celebration lasts 13 hours-Dixie Chili can save your life!

And lastly, try for a positive attitude. Some days are harder than others, but try anyway!

Example:

(Today Elizabeth's huge new stroller/wheel chair wasn't locked and it rolled in the street and hit a truck, my purse was in it, luckily not her, and spilled everywhere in the street. While I was trying to pick up the contents and pack the stroller up, Elizabeth locked herself in the car and was so distraught when I couldn't  open the door. I had to have my dad drive to my house to get the spare key and she was hysterical by the time he got there. Oh, and I forgot to get the Christmas presents for church because I am a bad church goer, and was late getting presents for needy kids (not something to forget on the to do list). Also, Johnny woke up at 6 this morning, Sunday, and had dismantled and/or destroyed 50% of our eight total Christmas decorations before 7 am (we have no ornaments on the tree :(. He also accidentally bit through my skin because I didn't cut his pizza and get it to his mouth fast enough. We can't get a load of laundry dry because he plays in the dryer and throws the wet clothes on the floor.

Lastly and tragically, I face-timed myself twice while trying to text, but lived through it-barely. 

Hey, another typical Sunday! I still made it through-happy, pretty unscathed, and ready to take on whatever comes next!)

My Heart's Song

So definitely one of the scariest or maybe most worrisome things about raising a child/children (in my case) with special needs is if they really understand what you are trying to communicate to them.  How or are they processing information and how much? What are they thinking about? What if something happens to them or someone hurts them and they can't tell me?  What do they love, what do they hate, what bothers them, what delights them? As a mother, am I frustrated or distracted too much?  What more do they need?  How or where do I start? Who needs what more?  Off the subject but equally as heartwrenching, do they know how much I love them? Do I tell them or show them enough? Certainly you want them to reciprocate that love, but you can't always get what you want! These questions plague my middle of the night thoughts. But then, as with everything in life, there are glimmers of hope that sneak up on me all the time. A few weeks ago Johnny was singing in the back seat with his IPAD and I immediately recognized the songs.  I used to sing the Dixie Chicks song "Lullaby" years ago when the kids were babies/toddlers before they went to bed.  I love all things Dixie Chicks, but especially this song, and it sounds like he was listening!

Ok, so he has to do a couple other Dixie Chicks songs to warm up, and he picks his nose and bangs his head with his fish, and I can't focus on his face because if he sees me videoing he immediately stops singing, and he tries to open the door when the car is moving-oh whatever,  I hope it makes you smile :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZE-mkQIewg&feature=youtu.be

"Lullaby" lyrics that he is singing at the end of the video:
They didn't have you where I come from
Never knew the best was yet to come
Life began when I saw your face
And I hear your laugh like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

I slip in bed when you're asleep
To hold you close and feel your breath on me
Tomorrow there'll be so much to do
So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you

It is she

Elizabeth had an MRI last week and it was an incredibly long day. She has areas in her brain that need to be monitored because they have always been"abnormal" or "diseased".  We have to make sure those areas do not grow. She came out of it sick and weak and looking at me as if to ask, "why would you let them do that to me-again!?" However, even coming out of sedation, her bright personality shone through.  I am in constant awe of her strength. These were my thoughts as I watched her drift off and go in for her scan. 

Courtesy of Aunt Sarah

She is determined

She is strong 

She is attitude

She is kind

She is willful

She is bright

She is silly 

She is sweet

She is bold

She is brave

She is vulnerable

She is warm

She is mine

She is Elizabeth. 

Good news-MRI stable. 

Side note-In case you were wondering, and maybe you weren't, but my posts have been super short for two reasons 1.) my brain is mush in the summertime  2.) my computer is still broken!

Anyway,  I hope to be back with more content soon :)! But for now it appears I can only write in adjectives! 

Stay tuned though, we had a no pants extravaganza at Rossford Park I have to tell you about, that will no doubt make you feel like a better parent!

Gifted

A mentor

A friend

A companion
A humanitarian

A leader

A listener

A parent

A developer 

A protector

A guide 

An example

An inspiration

An individual

A hand to hold

A shoulder to lean on

A loving heart.......

                                                                                 A Teacher

John and Elizabeth have been going to an enrichment class this week with their special education teacher and an aide in their classroom. You could tell how much the kids love and miss them. These women are amazing! Everything they stand for makes my heart soar. Teachers truly amaze me!