Thursday, March 13, 2014

Time, what have you done to me?



Birds chirping, sunlight, walking the dog, playing outside with the kids-all wonderfully spectacular signs of Spring. Spring also brings birthdays for both my boys, my brother-in-law and my nephew. So much to celebrate!  Recently my mother-in-law sent an email about their upcoming visit to celebrate aforementioned birthdays and said she is refusing to face the fact she has a son turning 40. Even though I am turning 40 this year as well, I had to read her comment again and again. How could this be, that her first born is turning 40? I totally get it though, I am freaked out about having a preteen son so having a child turn 40 would be so crazy! I guess that feeling never goes away. Plus, she and my father-in-law are fit and active and travel and have a fabulous life, and I think of them as being 50ish!  I know-not possible-she didn't have her first baby at ten. You know how you feel when you haven't seen an acquaintance's kids for awhile and you remember them toddling around and then you run into those same kids and they have braces and are 4 inches taller than you, its probably like that. The passage of time smacks you right in the face. It certainly makes me want to stop time and not in a botox kind-of way (not that there's anything wrong with that), just to slow things down a bit.  My sisters and I were talking about it last weekend. The days, weeks, years are flying by.  I know I have complained relentlessly all winter about the snow days being endless, and no doubt they were loooooong, but where are the years going? I realize you can't have it both ways, make the days go fast, but the years slow down. Actually, you cannot have it either way now that I think about it. :/
I have to be careful when reflecting on these moments, this can be a slippery slope for me. It is critical to my personal growth  sanity, not to compare my life with others, especially in situations when others talk about their kids growing up, going to college, marrying, moving out-because it sometimes makes my own reality seem daunting. Why? Because Adam and I may never be "empty nester's" or grandparents or alone again....ever. And that has to be ok, really it has to be better than ok. In fact, it has to be a life to look forward to.  Even if John and Elizabeth's future may be very different from the norm- it certainly matters just as much. It is something to look forward to in the way they change a person's perspective on life or how their laugh makes someone's day.  The way when they master a task making even the tiniest milestone worth celebrating. The way that quitting is a concept that will never occur to them.  The way they have taught a very once selfish mom to understand loving someone so much more than she ever thought possible.They way they have made me realize that as I age, I am better able to stop and appreciate my life for what is, them for who they are. That even though they are not changing like most children are or have or will, they are still changing and learning and growing. Differently yes, but beautifully all the same.
I know I have mentioned this before, but my mom would always warn when we were younger, "one day you will walk past the mirror and wonder, who is that woman?"  And she was right, I already take that double glance, often wondering if the bags will eventually take over my entire face. On a positive note though-isn't this a good thing because I still feel like that 25 year-old on the inside?  And, thankfully, hopefully, my mind is evolving like the adult I have become (sans the stage dancing -see Oops I did it again post).  But the beauty of getting older is you realize it's no longer as important what you see in that mirror, it's who you see that matters.
TBT-birthday boys!  2006-What?
TBT-Brass family at Elizabeth's christening
Where has the time gone?