Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Dear Brain

Dear Brain,

I am peace.
Worry overwhelms me, anxiety overtakes me, life exhausts me.
I have gratitude.
I am broken longing to be whole.
I have love.
I am alone. I know to be kind to the one and only body I have.
I make poor decisions trying to destroy it.
I have the best of friends.
I can be hateful.
I am a forgiving soul.
I gossip and have guilt.
I am working to be more authentically myself.
I hide who I truly am.
I want the very best for my kids and for them to be happy.
I chipped away at their soul just yesterday.
I read trying to get better, be better, know better to do better.
I wasted hours binge watching violence.
I have joy.
I am filled with rage.
I am inspired.
Life is exhausting.
Social media makes me feel connected.
Twitter causes me rage.
I wrote down my goals.
I haven't made a move on any of them in years.
I am forever grateful for this amazing life.
Why is this happening to me?
I am confident.
What in the world is my purpose?
I am self aware.
Everyone is against me.
I laugh everyday.
Crying is easier.
I live an abundant life.
Why is there never enough?
I am faithful.
Doubt consumes me.
I am honest and caring.
Fear and resentment overshadow my decisions.
I am just like you.
You have no idea what my life it like.
I have empathy.
What is wrong with those people?

How can I be all of these people locked inside this grey spongy thing? Why can't I just be the best version, instead of sinking to the lowest common denominator? What is it that makes this self sabotage possible?  Brain, I need your help. I need you to get on board with what my higher potential is. I need you to get out of my way. I will not surrender to your neurosis. My spirit will win.


I am a work in progress

I have a choice

I will live in truth

I am human

I am love


I am doing this for you, you crazy batch of neurological cells.

You're welcome,

Mary Claire